There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
MIDGETS
????
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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