Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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