You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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