I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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