T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
