My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
