The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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