The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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