i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
