the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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