I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
