Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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