Porn is love you can see.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
