she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Less talking, more tequila
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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