How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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