he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
