You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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