wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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