im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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