Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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