I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
