It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
