brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
