she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
