3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize