I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dear god my vagina.
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