No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
