I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
