Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
