She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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