Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
