I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
