did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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