i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
