It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
