Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
