dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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