Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
