just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
