Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
