Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
