Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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