just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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