his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
