I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
