Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
