So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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