perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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