3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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