I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
