So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
