I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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