I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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