hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
