Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
