I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
