I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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