wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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