Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
