We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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