I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
