Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
