things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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