I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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