You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Life is so much better after having sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
