you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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