and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
