My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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