would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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