Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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