this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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