and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
