This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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