i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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