New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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