it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
