Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
