No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
