Just fell off a train. Bad.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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