Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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