why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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