i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
