So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
