Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
