i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
