In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
