bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
