batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
